Fingers Are Not Round (08-24-18)

I’ve been waiting to write this next blog post until something exciting happened to me but the most exciting thing in current events is that I’ve had a revelation about the shape of fingers. I was accompanying my friend to a jeweller (that took me 6 times to spell right) and besides awkwardly trying to not seem like my friends fiancé, I learned that fingers are square. Did you know that?! I have spent 26 years thinking “oh yes of course my fingers are round” but if you look straight down your finger you will notice those lanky nublets are in fact square! An entire paragraph has been dedicated to this subject because this is how exciting my life is. 

I have gone out on the weekends but its rather repetitive: wear heels, regret it, watch people get drunk, avoid drunk people trying to touch you, have yelling conversation about nothing because music is too loud, rinse and repeat. Variations being the locations and people. One night for my friends birthday they booked the penthouse suite at the Hendrix and everyone bust out into photoshoot mode because the views were bomb. I feel too shy asking people to take my pictures so I have one awkward photo of myself on the balcony and that’ll have to do. Also I have an iphone SE which if you think about it… the only iphone without a number… Where is the iphone 9? Basically I have an iphone 9 except its cracked to the point where I can’t even answer the phone and taking a selfie is just impossible. So I’m often too embarrassed to pass my phone to someone to take a photo. 

I have also noticed that it seems the same people go to the same bars every weekend. Almost like its in their calendar… “Friday 9am-5pm work, 5pm-11pm binge watch Netflix and eat instant noodles, 11pm-2am spend what you made today on disgusting vodka sodas until you forget about all your troubles… and your home address… where your shoes are… who Keke is.” One interesting person I ran into at the bar is someone I knew from elementary school. He introduced me to his buddies as his “elementary school crush” which I thought was crazy because he was my elementary school crush. Looking back he made the solid observation that this is something we should have communicated in elementary school. 

Last night I wanted to check out some live music that was happening at The Buckingham so I went after work by myself. After quickly realizing that everyone there was way cooler than me and had the round spectacles to prove it I just stole a stool and watched from the corner. Happy that I didn’t have to pay for my gingerale, and that the music was good, it suddenly dawned on me that I knew one of the band members playing that night. It was probably around 6 years ago that I saw them playing last and grew a big crush on the lead singer and made it painfully obviously by flirting with him after the show… and telling his sister… and bass player… maybe even his mom that I thought he was cute. Somehow the stars aligned and he asked me for my number. We talked for a while and I think we even made plans for a date but one day he just ghosted. That was that. Never talked again. I left last night without bothering to bring it up or talk to him. Maybe I missed out on a great romance but for now I’m happy with my forever-alone, only ever cuddle with dogs, keeps multiple snacks in my bed incase I get hungry, single and sometimes downloads Tinder only to delete it 30 seconds later, square-fingered ways.